It seems like everyone is writing about burnout these days. It’s everywhere. Years ago I had no real idea what burnout was. Or at least I thought it was something that happened to other people. I didn’t think it would happen to me. Then I read an article about burnout. How could I be burned out? What was burnout? I loved the work I was doing. I exercised regularly. I ate healthy. I’m in touch with my faith and spirituality. I have a supportive and close circle of family and friends. Burnout? Me? But then I read the article, which included a set of questions to help you determine if you were in fact, “burned out.” I answered each question with a resounding YES. That was me. A walking definition of burnout. I was one deadline away from who knows what.

I pinned that article to my favorites and started reading more about this “burnout.” Burnout is defined as a state of emotional, physical and mental exhaustion usually as a result of prolonged and excessive stress. Recently, I heard another term – “functional burnout.” I am apparently the poster child of functional burnout. Someone who, from the outside looks like a normal, highly functional, successful person, but on the inside they are exhausted in every way – physically, mentally, intellectually, spiritually, emotionally, socially – name it. Everything was suffering. Every personal endeavor was on hold. This blog, my hobbies, friends, family, volunteer work. I had no capacity for anything. I was treading water and going down fast.

“It takes courage to say yes to rest and play in a culture where exhaustion is seen as a status symbol.”

~ Brené Brown

My life seemed to have changed overnight. What’s worse, I had allowed it. I wondered, how did this happen? How did I get here? I was always taught to work hard and be reliable. Work ethic is one thing, a martyr is another. The more the work piled up the more I worked. Boundaries were literally a blurry line. If we had a last minute fire drill I’d work until it was done, sometimes bringing my dog to the office until 1:00 a.m. If I needed to stay late for a deadline, I’d cancel plans. I even had a first date tell me I must be blowing him off, because who can’t make dinner at 7:30 on a Friday night… two Fridays in row? I started to work weekends thinking that if I could just get ahead of Monday I’d have a leg up on the week. Newsflash – I never got ahead. I worked at a pace and stress level that makes most people run screaming or quit. We aren’t meant to work at peak performance levels without a break. We can’t be in a fight or flight state 24/7. Even high performance athletes have rest days. I was working at high demand levels without coming up for air. I was so exhausted that I had to push myself harder just to perform at normal and satisfactory levels. It was not sustainable and I didn’t see it coming. Burnout. I was cooked. It was time for a change.

Another buzz word surfaced during my research – ”hustle culture.” Hustle culture basically equates success with hard work and longer hours to manage demanding workloads. It’s the culture that leads to burnout. When did this start? What happened to the days of punching in at 9:00 a.m. and out at 5:30 p.m.? You went home. You left your work at the office. Somewhere along the line the expectation became that if you wanted to be successful you had to do more, work more, until there was no more left for anyone else let alone yourself. When did this become the norm and not the exception? When did working 24/7, being available and responsive 24/7 become the badge requirements for success, or in some cases, just meeting expectations? Brené Brown wrote, “It takes courage to say yes to rest and play in a culture where exhaustion is seen as a status symbol.” Hustle culture says do more, work more, always be available. Available and reliable are two very different things. When did our values shift? I often wonder if I had put as much work into my personal life as I have my professional life, who would I have become?

You spend your time off worrying about all the things waiting for you at work, the tasks you’re not moving forward, and end up feeling guilty for taking the time away from work that was yours to begin with. And you spend your time off just surviving. Not living. I realized I wanted to live my life, not just survive it.

So, I’m sure you’re wondering where I am now. What’s my solution? How did I change the hustle culture mindset? They say to use your vacation time and disconnect, set boundaries, learn how to say no, eat and sleep well, create a balanced schedule, and make sure to take care of yourself. Sounds easy, right? Over the past 5 years I’ve tried to incorporate some boundaries and protect my personal time. It hasn’t been easy. And it’s a slippery slope with a strong potential to fall into old habits. Especially when it seems everything is urgent and everything is a priority … and everything needs to be done yesterday. What I had to learn was I’m important too and I needed to put myself at the top of the list. Because if you don’t feed your own soul no one else will. I can still work hard and have a good work ethic, but I can also make sure I prioritize my life outside of work and, “say yes to rest and play.” Every aspect of my life will benefit and be better for it.